


Losing Your Memory

by magic8ball331



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, marvel movies
Genre: Aftermath, Angst, Anxiety, M/M, Multi, Nightmares, Other, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, au after CAP 2
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-06-30
Updated: 2014-06-30
Packaged: 2018-02-06 20:13:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 458
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1870908
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/magic8ball331/pseuds/magic8ball331
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In the aftermath of visiting the exhibit at the Smithsonian, Bucky begins to attempt and deal with his fracturing personality and identity as well as the mental aftermath of what HYDRA has done to him. And while he runs, Sam Wilson and Steve Rogers follow close behind.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Losing Your Memory

The Winter Soldier stared at the biography of Bucky Barnes at that exhibit for a long time. That man on the bridge had kept calling him Bucky. Captain America. If he had really been that Bucky, the selfless James Buchannan Barnes that was memorialized here? That was what he was wondering. Bucky Barnes from Brooklyn, whose best friend was Steve Rogers, who had fought against Hydra. But would Bucky have let them torture him into submission? Into spilling so much blood? Wouldn’t that man have fought back?

 

The man in the picture does look like him, but a different version of him. With short cropped hair and a whole body. The Winter Soldier was a picture of years of assassinations, of death and violence and electrocution. Bucky still had a youthful glow about him that The Winter Soldier couldn’t believe could have ever once belonged to him. That was the face of a man who hadn’t been fried by torture, whose brows had not been knitted together by the electricity pumping through his veins.

 

He couldn’t be him. But at the same time, he knew that he was. He didn’t even understand why he had pulled the Captain out of the water, but it had felt right. If it had been the other way around, with The Winter Soldier drowning in the Hudson like that, would the man with the shield have pulled him out?

 

If he hadn’t lied to him on that carrier, he would have.

 

But how often in the past years had he been lied to? Nothing felt right anymore, nothing, as he stared in the face of Bucky Barnes.  

 

Bucky Barnes would have hated him.

 

 ** _Bucky Barnes felt guilty._ ** And the memories were coming back to him,  as quickly as they had been wiped. He didn’t like it. The Soldier clutched his shaking hand with the metallic one, and he could feel the flesh bruise as he clamped down on it.

_But I knew him. I’m with you till the end of the line.  Put him on ice. Wipe him clean and start over._

_I’ve known you my whole life._

_I’m with you till the end of the line._

 

He must have been standing there all night because finally, someone ushers him out in a concerned voice babbling on and on about the museum closing.

 

He walked out of that museum, feeling fractured. There were two human beings and persona’s fighting inside him, trying to claw their way to the surface and win. It made him feel sick to his stomach. He feels like he’s breaking.

_Your name is James Buchanan Barnes._

_The Winter Soldier._

 

And he walked down the steps of the Smithsonian into the dark of the night, solmen.

 

Then he ran.

 

 


End file.
